when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
