Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
