the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
