Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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