i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
