He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
