If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
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Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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