Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
