I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
