I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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