Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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