Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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