I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
