Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
