When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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