I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
