He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
