if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
