then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I could fuck to npr.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
