He asked to "fluff my boner.."
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
