i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
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Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
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all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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