never play flip cup with pint glasses
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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