Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
