Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
