I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
