Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
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