I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
