i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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