so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
