I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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