So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
