He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
