he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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