once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We had to coat check the pizza.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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