Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
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