The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
