I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
