He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
sarcasm needs its own font
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
