two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
They have beer where we have blood.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
