His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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