and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
