Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
