Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
