i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
