i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
This beer is not sobering me up at all
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
