he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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