Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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