I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
