It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
