haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
