distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
