so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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