you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
