omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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