Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So vagazzling was a success
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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