Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Say something about gay babies.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
