we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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