She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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