i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
