sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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