; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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