Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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