I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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