Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
