my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
