1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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