There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
