Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
