The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
